what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
