Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
