You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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