My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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