If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize