Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
