Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
