There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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