so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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