Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
