I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
