I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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