There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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