oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
