Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
