Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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