drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
