HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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