i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
