Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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