Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just invented taco cereal.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
