Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
