At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
