Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize