we have officially lost it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
