That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
