You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
