Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
