Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
