Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
