Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
