so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
