I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
