I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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