i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
