we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
