If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
