ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
