You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
