If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
