All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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