I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize