Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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