literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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