What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
