she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
