i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
