Are we in a gay sports bar?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
