Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
