me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
