Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize