On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
