Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
