I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
