So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
