I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
