Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
