I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
