Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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