i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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