If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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