hell yes lets make some ravioli
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
