Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
two words...techno handjob
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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