I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
