you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
