i was born a porn star she said
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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