Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
