My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize