I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize