K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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