you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my penis made a compromise with my morals
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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