I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
