4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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