we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
