i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
