Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
