And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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