So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
